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He finds the origins of the fixation perplexing but speculates that it might be a case of the fear of castration turned on its head to become a uncontrollable craving.īut eunuchs are nothing new. Being castrated can be a huge release because they become pre-pubital, and sex is no longer an overwhelming preoccupation." "These men are led by their erect penises and some are driven to offend. "Yes, it's true that no normal person would do that, but then given that homosexuality has always been called a sickness, what's normal?" Reid's experience of this tender topic is predominantly with transsexuals (some of whom even castrate themselves) as well as with men who are hypersexed.
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Gelding's response to this interpretation is equivocal. Consultant psychiatrist Dr Russell Reid, of Hillingdon Hospital in west London, identifies castration fixation as "highly disturbed behaviour, in mainly gay men, whose self-hatred is directed towards their genitals". In that time he's had 5,000 enquiries from both gay and straight men, all believing that their obsession is unique. (On the down side, it also increases the risk of prostate cancer.)Ī self-confessed mother hen, Gelding has for four years been dispensing advice on his website to men who want, or think they want, to be castrated. As well as resurrecting the libido, testosterone prevents osteoporosis and reduces the flab that castration causes to the hips and breasts. "My cover story also means that if someone finds out I'm castrated they view me as a victim, or a brave stalwart rather than a deviant or psychotic person," he explains. The story is posted up on the web and tells how he lost his balls against his will in a gay S&M episode which went horribly wrong. In order to receive the testosterone that he requires to keep him functioning as a man (he has occasional erectile problems but can still ejaculate) he has devised a cover story which makes him eligible for medical treatment. "I've never felt more myself, more complete or happy," he says, unemotionally. Three years later he went to a cutter in California and got rid of them safely and efficiently. In hospital a horrified A&E surgeon castigated him for trying to remove healthy tissue. But after an hour he ran out of adrenaline and went into clinical shock. The idea of cutting aroused him sexually, but more than that, there was an aching need to be rid of something that had begun to take a stranglehold of his life.Īt first he tried to cut off the offending items himself by using rubber bands as a tourniquet and drenching his balls in ice water. By 1991 Gelding's testicles had become an unbearable affront to him. One of his first boyfriends was a cutter - a man who worked in the netherworld of the gay S&M scene, cutting off men's testicles, consensually and safely. Growing up in rural New York State, he knew he was gay from childhood, but it was only in his mid-20s, while working for the military in a top security position, that he discovered the gay S&M scene and a world where castration was honoured rather than abhorred. Now in his early 50s, he has been without his testicles for six years and is keen to point out that he has no desire to be feminised. But what compulsion drives grown men to be castrated in the first place? According to Gelding, for most men the desire to be castrated stems from puberty but does not develop into a fixation for at least 10 years.
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In Gelding's experience a quarter of those who get castrated continue to regulate their libidos with testosterone, which allows them to have full sex. Some want to be feminised, a few - known as nullos or smoothies - want to become nullified by having their penis removed along with their testicles. Some are androgynous types (thin and underdeveloped) who want to remain in a prepubescent, asexual phase, others are eroto-phobes who don't like to feel driven by their libidos and want to become surgically tranquillised. Men who want to be castrated fit no stereotype, have no common neuroses or childhood experience. In the UK, self-motivated castration mainly exists only in the most extreme S&M scene, while in America those aspiring to be castrated comprise a burgeoning and divergent tribe made up of both gay and straight men. And so began a lifetime's quest to be castrated. The pain was as piercing as the pleasure. "Do that again and I'll crush 'em," said the older boy, grabbing his genitals. For Gelding - an adopted alias for the American internet guru to all wanna-be eunuchs - that moment came when he was 12 years old and thrown against an older boy in a packed bus. Some people can identify a defining moment in their childhood - an incident that brings an idea to mind which is then indelibly fixed in the psyche.